Charlie's wretched overuse of the word bum
by speckledgit
Summary: Charlie's fixing the floo at the Burrow and Hermione gets stuck. Lots of use of the word bum


**SEPTEMBER CHALLENGE**  
><em>Challenge opens from: <em>September 1 2011  
>Challenge will be closed by: <span>September 20 2011<span>  
>Winner announced on: <span>October 10 2011<span>  
><span>Prompt:<span>  
>The floo<br>Pairings:  
>HermioneCharlie  
><span>Quotes:<span>  
>"You wouldn't dare"<br>"Take me, I'm yours"  
><span>Theme:<span>  
>Ginny Weasley's birthday<p>

Looking back on it, she didn't even know why she took the floo network that afternoon. She was very accomplished at apparating, the best in her class, as she was in all of her classes. She had no reason to prefer flooing to apparating.  
>As Fate would have it, she did throw that green powder into the Ministry's floo designated fireplace, she did command it to take her to the Burrow, and she did step into it. All steps of her own choosing and free will. But, as Fate would also have it, she passes a hundred different destinations, until she came to a familiar picture; instead of stepping into that scene she was stuck, with no idea as to how to get in or at least get back to the ministry.<br>There were certainly less attractive views to get stuck looking at. Yes, the Burrow was quaint and pleasant to look at, not at all dingy or lowly like some might describe.  
>Now that we're caught up to the present, I think you'd like to know that the view of the Burrow was now more animated than before. I would say that a certain redhead livened up the view, but since we're talking about the Burrow, that wouldn't eliminate any of the possibilities. A dragon tamer, there that should tell you loads about the character that was now neatly framed by the stones of the fireplace. He showed no signs that he could see her too.<br>Either he was completely oblivious, or he was an exhibitionist. It was a hot day and no one could blame Charlie Weasley for leaving his shirt draped on a chair and not on his torso. Not that she was complaining.

_How do you even get that many abs?_  
>The woman thought with a bit of a blush. She had recently come to the conclusion that what she thought to be true love with a school sweetheart was in fact the adrenalin and feeling of impending doom from the war. It was all very anti climactic; as was the case for most things in her life Post-War, she was re-learning to do things. She admitted to herself that she felt a bit guilty to be oogling at the man, but she really had nowhere to turn to, literally. While in the course of this introspection, the woman in limbo failed to notice the man's spell work.<br>She felt the inertia of falling through the portal and then being brought to a screeching halt, something was wrong, oh so very wrong. She gazed down to see herself, well half of herself, the top half to be exact, which excluded the ever essential bottom half.

"Hermione?"

A masculine voice distracted her from her half-ness. She looked up to see Charlie Weasley, or more specifically, Charlie Weasley's shins. She looked up further to see a shocked face.

"Oh, hullo," she replied shyly.

"How are you? Oh, wait, let me guess, you're not feeling all there today," he joked.

"Please, do not belittle my situation," she glared at him, probably with less effect than she would have liked.

"I'm not belittling you at all, you seem to have got that covered all on your own," he retorted.

Hermione was not amused.

"It's your fault, if you hadn't have been messing with the floo," she was growing angry.

"My fault, I just turned it off. You should have just bounced back to your original point," he looked more concerned now.

"I know I should have, that's why it's your fault."

She was now trying to push herself the rest of the way through. He tried not to let her see him shaking with amusement, he really did, promise. He should have tried harder; she let her arms go lax and looked up at him.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind, could you either try to help me or leave or go find someone that can help me," she bristled with borderline rage.

"I'm sorry, but could you imagine? Someone might be trying to floo to the Burrow right now, but all they're going to get is an eye full of your bum. On second thought, those lucky sods have the right idea. Maybe I could go find a second port and come in from behind and push-,"  
>"Absolutely not, you wouldn't dare," she cut him off.<p>

He shrugged, "I work with dragons for a living, I have quite a bit of dare in me-"

"No! Just pull me up, I think it'll work just as well," she raised her arms, gesturing that he try to pick her up, and pull her the rest of the the way through the floor.

He encased her rib cage with his hands and she wrapped her arms around his neck, having the decency to blush. A fact that didn't escape Charlie.

"You know people are going to get the wrong idea if they see you throwing yourself all over me," he said, his voice slightly muffled as his face was buried in her hair.

"Oh, yes, take me; I'm yours, Charlie," she filled her voice with sarcasm.

"Naw, I prefer my women to have their bottom halves," he grinned.

"Typical," she argued for argument's sake. She hadn't realized that she had liked Charlie flirting with her, or whatever you would call this...banter perhaps. But, she was his little brother's friend and she shouldn't be disappointed that he seemed to just be joking.

"Yes, typically men do have that preference. You see, I reckon it's because there are some really important bits there," he made her face go all red again.

"This isn't working," she said, because his pulling hadn't moved her an inch, "why did you even switch off the system to begin with?"

"Percy said the travel hasn't been as fluid as usual. I wouldn't know, I usually apparate, Percy is the only one who uses the Floo on a constant basis, the lightweight can't handle apparation. Mum asked me to have a look at it before Ginny's party, I don't think it's fixed yet," he explained. Hermione shooting him a "No duh" look.

Charlie stood to full height and walked away, yes, away; as in just leaving Hermione half way sticking out of the ground.  
>He did come back after a minute with a couple books.<br>He placed two in front of Hermione and he leafed through another. She picked up the first book "Unknown Facts about Magical Transportation" and began to read.

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione broke it, "Why do you even have a book this boring?

She surprised both of them by calling a book boring.

"They're Percy's," he answered, simply.

Another few minutes of silence passes.  
>She looked at him. He was handsome, not in a clean cut way but in a rogue-ish, devilish way. Hermione couldn't remember Molly or Ginny ever mentioning him having a girlfriend. Ron said once that Charlie could only love a dragon.<br>Hermione had never been the type to break the silence before. She never talked through movies, sorry, muggle moving picture, or discussed the news while reading the paper. Discussion came after.  
>But, now she was breaking the silence for a second time.<p>

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" she almost recanted the question with embarrassment

"Why do you think? You numpty, it's because I spend all my time talking to women who misplace their rear ends in the fireplace," he retorted, not even missing a beat.

"I didn't misplace it, you did," she winced at the odd sound of the accusation.

"Would you like me to go on a grand quest for you bum? You're a pretty bird and all, Hermione, but a man simply doesn't go searching for a pretty bird's misplaced bum; A firmly attached bum, most definitely.

Now he definitely couldn't hide his widened grin.

"Stop saying the word bum," she chastised

He chuckled and they both resumed their reading.

"Bum," he said after quite a bit of nothing from either of them.

"You're so childish," she said, not bothering to look up from the page she was reading.

"I've found it," he nearly shouted scrambling to his feet.  
>"What? My bum?" She looked at him quizzically<p>

"A means to recover your bum!"

He pointed his wand at her, and for a few seconds there was a faint green glow around her, then the feeling of being thrown forward. She landed on all fours.

"Well, if I'd know you had that nice of a rear end, I would have tried harder," he winked at her.  
>"Oh, thank you, thank you, and thank you!"<br>She jumped up, took his head in her hands, and kissed both of his cheeks

She pointed a finger at him, "No one ever hears of this," and she pushed herself away and made a hurried exit to the garden.

That night, as the Burrow bustled with people for Ginny's birthday bash, Hermione danced with Neville. She looked over his shoulder and caught the eye of Bill, who had Charlie whispering in his ear. The boys then looked at Hermione, Charlie winked at her, and she quickly buried her face in Neville's shoulder.  
>After the song she made her way to pour herself a refreshment.<p>

"Hermione, my dear brother Charlie, has just told me the most intriguing tale of a mighty quest that he went on earlier this afternoon," Bill spoke to her and Charlie smirked.

It took a fraction of a second to spin around and glare at Charlie, "Why you little-"  
>She chased Charlie off, through the kitchen and out the back door, leaving Bill to laugh at the furious woman's antics.<br>She didn't know why she hadn't apparated or why the floo stuck her halfway between the floor and the portal. However, she did reckon that if Charlie kept grinning like that and dodging her attempts to swat that haughty look off of him; she might go from wanting to smack the smirk off of his face to wanting to snog it off.


End file.
